from adhd and anxiety to chronic depression and everything in between, it is inevitable we [will] manifest a symptom in one, some (or all) of these battles in some way, shape, or form. you’d think that by now, the stigma that surrounds mental health would have dissipated a long time ago — slowly, but surely. but if a bastard could win office in 2017 of ‘land of the free,’ then anything is truly possible after all.

nearly four years later & nothing and everything has changed. i’m not quite sure what seems more incomprehensible to me — the battle itself or the spurs and spontaneity that constituted it. the thought of getting out of bed seems nearly insurmountable. swallowing bites and quaffing sips became a struggle in itself. but from time to time, the lethargy grows onto you. it grows onto you and it becomes a part of you, little by little, day by day — until it depletes every fiber of your being, and more.

restless chained demons, crippled caged beasts. divining self —  a relentless & ironically tied tug-of-war tournament. with strength, with energy, with time, you begin to question it all: ‘do these demons encompass my being or was i the demon?’ am i playing devil’s advocate or was i the devil in disguise?

mistaken my mistakes for my crooked nature. to expose a side of me i either simply cannot recall or irrevocably regret. to expose the mercurial monsters i call my own, every now and then. to expose the unexposed. as looks deceive, perceptions change — or do they? again and again and again, seeps and scars, promises and prayers. stuck on fixations, not persuasions. ’cause contrary to society, first impressions are indeed not everything.

but for now, swallow those sorrows, alleviate the entropy, tame this firing ego. let go and let god. he doesn’t burden a soul beyond that it can bear, for surely nothing will afflict but what he has ordained. one day, these demons of yours won’t dare to go beyond a “how’re you?” — perhaps even become strangers, if we live to be that lucky. behind it all, lies a silver lining. a lining these four years were unable to sincerely unfold. four years and counting. you’ve got this. you’ve always have, you always will.

 

 

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