q&a, q&a. wanting answers has become ardent behavior for us, hasn’t it? it almost seems as though life simply can’t go on without attaining some form of validation. uncertainty keeps us on our toes; it keeps our hearts pounding, our palms sweating. we spend years attempting to outrun or outsmart vulnerability by making things definite, by making things certain — black and white, good and bad. fitting remarks and rebuttals in boxes. colors or morals, living in a world of black and white constitutes as an obstacle, ultimately doing more harm than help. organically blend those two together and it’s grey. it’s intricate, it’s intriguing.
stop for a second. imagine if we knew our fates. being cognizant of every ounce of apprehension, irresolution, and crossing that comes our way. what kind of life would that be? would that even continue to stand or qualify as “life”and its peripherals? trials, trails and traces of life would lose meaning, significance and impact.
defiance of grey diffusion is what one may refer to as binary absolutisms — that the concept of interface and centrism is nonexistent. coercion of falling under a certain canopy not only hinders us from experiencing the shades of grey, but also its complementary. we see ourselves jumping through so many technicalities and split hairs until it becomes black and white in our minds; having to pigeonhole and compartmentalize the shades, the textures, the undertones. sooner or later, those shades and textures and undertones will boomerang and precipitate adversity.
but why do we refuse to fall under the grey? what inclines us to be so right wing or so left wing? what convinces us into thinking that if we don’t fall under a category, society will disdain our credentials, our notoriety, our eminence? our egos, our pride, our mind?
for a long, long time, i yearned. i yearned for answers to escape deeply rooted paranoia and attain cultured clarity from the individuals i have crossed paths with. knowing of what’s to come seemed easier at the time. the elements of surprise and spontaneity were foreign, evoking angst, apprehension and anxiety. ultimately, it drives them away; [and] possibly not granting those individuals the opportunity for the afterthought of you. starting a clean slate, taking a few steps back. having second thoughts, getting second chances.
draw lines, note differences. living in the grey is living in the moment.